Mom! Mommy! Mama! Ma! Mi Mami! La Mére!

"You will not be able to conceive naturally" was the last thing I heard from my OB/GYN as I sat in his office after what I thought will be a regular annual checkup. I suffered from Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS- "a condition in which the ovaries produce an abnormal number of androgens, a male sex hormone usually present in women in small amounts"), so I honestly knew conception would not be easy for me. I left his office, sat in my car, shut my eyes in heartbreak, and slowly wiped the tears from my eyes. I could not imagine life without a child! I went home and said nothing to anyone; I suffered in silence and lived like nothing bothered me.

One night after weeks of torment and agony, I went on my knees and prayed, asking God for just one child because I knew his promises over my life and like a million times before he delivered! Almost a year after receiving that dreadful news, I was pregnant! I remember the shock and excitement because we were not trying, but God knew the time was right. I took more than enough pregnancy tests to ease my anxiousness and made an appointment with my OB/GYN for an official confirmation. I came home, and like a kid in the candy store, I hastily divulged the news to my boyfriend. We were both elated and nurtured our baby from fetus to birth.

At around thirty weeks, I developed pre-eclampsia, and by thirty-two weeks, the baby was delivered via c-section. The birthing process was excruciating, but the moment I held her, the pain became a thing of the past. She became and still is a representation of all God has in store for me. I was discharged home after three days, and our daughter stayed in the Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for about three weeks, and I felt guilty! I was home, and she wasn't. A part of me was missing; my heart was empty. I could not understand how someone I had known for less than a month had taken over my world, so I made it my mission to be at the hospital every day till she could come home with me. The pain from the c-section was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. I wanted her home with me each day I visited, but I knew that was impossible. In her eyes, I saw resilience, and she slowly championed every milestone set by her providers, and finally, she was home with us! The first few days were an adjustment period for me, but my mother watched me become a mother, took care of me, and in full circle moment, she watched me take care of my daughter.

There is not one word that describes a mother. She embodies a lot! A mother loves unconditionally and gives without expecting anything in return. Asking, "Who is a mother" allows one to ponder and critically analyze our mothers' roles. A mother is whatever she wants to be, whomever she wants to be! Society expects and sometimes demands mothers to be nurturers, selfless, compassionate, empathetic, a counselor, a baker, a therapist, an assistant, a cook, a teacher, a physician, and so much more. Sometimes she might wear all those hats, but do all these qualities make one a good mother? In some African cultures, when a woman becomes a mother, the expectation is that she stops living her life and channels everything to her child or children, but does that make you a good mother? How can you pour from an empty cup? How can you train and nurture a child if you stop nurturing yourself? The two I believe can co-exist, take care of yourself and take care of the kids you birthed. In doing so, you are teaching them what a healthy and happy life looks like.

Back to the question, "Who is a mother? From my experience over the past few years, I still don't have the answer to the question, but in my humble opinion, a mother loves, and that love is transcendent!! We may also ask the following questions: What does it mean to be a mother? What are the qualities of a good mother? What defines a good mother? Again, I may not have the answer to all the questions, but one thing is clear, it all starts with LOVE. A mother's love is unending. It shines through the darkest tunnel and guides us through life's journey. It gives hope, peace, and joy, and lek me Salone pipul dem go say "Mama na wan, two nor dae" (You can only have one mother).

To every mother and man taking on the role of a mother, especially Marvel Jestina, Mummy Gabbidon, and the countless who helped raise me over the years, Happy Mother's Day! Your love is felt and valued!

What are your thoughts on the questions: "Who is a mother? how will you describe a good mother? Share your notion in the comment section below.